Remember – You Are Not to Blame, Even If

• Your attacker was an acquaintance, date, friend, or spouse.
• You have been sexually intimate with that person or with others before.
• You were drinking or using drugs.
• You did not or could not say “no,” or were unable to fight back physically.
• You were wearing clothes that others may consider to be seductive.

Common Reactions to Sexual Assault

The following list summarizes the range of reactions to sexual assault that may help you know what’s normal to expect. Remember – sexual assault is a crisis, and people handle crises in different ways and have different reactions.

• Emotional Shock: I feel so numb. Why am I so calm? Why can’t I cry?
• Disbelief: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just made it up.
• Embarrassment: What will people think? I can’t tell my family or friends.
• Shame: I feel so dirty, like there is something wrong with me. I want to wash my hands or shower all the time.
• Guilt: I feel as if it’s my fault, or I did something to make this happen.
• Depression: How am I going to get through this? I’m so tired. I feel so helpless. Maybe I’d be better off dead.
• Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?
• Disorientation: I don’t even know what day it is, or what class I’m supposed to be in. I can’t remember my appointments. I keep forgetting things.
• Triggers: I keep having flashbacks. I’m still reliving it. I see his face all the time.
• Denial: It wasn’t really a rape.
• Fear: I’m scared of everything. What if I’m pregnant? Could I get an STD, or even AIDS? How can I ever feel safe again? Do people realize there’s anything wrong? I can’t sleep because I know I’ll have nightmares. I’m afraid I’m going crazy. I’m afraid to go outside. I’m afraid to be alone.
• Anxiety: I’m having panic attacks. I can’t breathe! I just can’t stop shaking. I can’t sit still in work/class anymore. I feel overwhelmed.
• Anger: I want to kill the person who attacked me!
• Physical Stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and don’t feel like eating.

We invite all survivors to participate in our virtual weekly gatherings/workshops, monthly coffeehouse, and job readiness workshops.

To view upcoming events related to our programming visit our Calendar page and filter through healingSPACE.

Call 201-487-2227 to speak with a Confidential Sexual Violence Advocate

SART is a free, 24/7 coordinated community response to assist a survivor in the aftermath of a recent sexual assault that occurred within the last 5 days. SART offers a compassionate, survivor-centered approach with the option of collecting evidence that can be vital to the investigation and prosecution of the crime.

To activate SART, call our 24/7 hotline 201-487-2227 to discuss all of your options, which include getting support from a confidential sexual violence advocate, completing a forensic exam, and exploring legal reporting options.

Immediate Next Steps

Get to a safe location, or call 911 if in immediate danger

Contact a potential support person, or call the healingSPACE hotline 201-487-2227

Do not shower, drink or eat, douche, or change your clothes. These activities destroy important evidence in the event that you decide to move forward with a legal investigation.

Seek medical attention for visible or hidden injuries and to explore options for preventing pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

Write down everything that you remember happening, with as much detail as possible.

SART Team Members

Confidential Sexual Violence Advocate (CSVA)
The CSVA is a trained healingSPACE advocate who can assist sexual assault survivors throughout the SART process. Advocates empower survivors by providing emotional support, information, and referrals, keeping all information confidential as long as it does not impede on the safety of the survivor or another person. The survivor utilizing this service may also request a follow-up phone call after the SART process.

Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) or Forensic Nurse Examiner (FNE)
The SANE/FNE is specifically trained in forensic evidence collection. They conduct a head-to-toe exam and collect evidence to assist in the prosecution of the crime. They are also able to provide medications to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy resulting from the sexual assault.

Law Enforcement
A local police officer and/or detective from the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office’s Special Victims Unit is available at the request of the survivor to conduct an investigation. In most cases of sexual assault, the choice to prosecute is left up to the survivor. A survivor may have an evidence collection kit completed following an assault, and then choose to involve law enforcement at a later date, if desired.

Medical Accompaniment
201-487-2227 | 24 hours/7 days a week

healingSPACE provides hospital and medical accompaniment to survivors of sexual violence. By reaching out to the healingSPACE hotline, you will be connected with a Confidential Sexual Violence Advocate who can accompany survivor’s to the hospital if they choose to seek medical attention and/or have a forensic evidence exam completed. Confidential Sexual Violence Advocates from healingSPACE also provide accompaniments to the police station, Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office, and any legal proceedings relating to the sexual assault. Legal advocacy may also be provided upon the survivor’s request to ensure survivors are aware of their legal rights.

Counseling can be a key component in the healing and recovery process for survivors. All of our counseling services are available free of charge and are provided by licensed healingSPACE clinicians and state-licensed, Master’s-level clinicians. A phone screening and intake are required before joining individual or group counseling. Any survivors not getting services through healingSPACE should email healingspace@ywcannj.org or call 201-881-1750 and include their contact information.

Individual Counseling

You may need the support of an experienced counselor trained in sexual violence who can help you process your trauma history and be a guide during the healing process. We are available to work with you. Clients must be at least 13 years old, and those under 18 need parental consent for ongoing counseling.

Group Counseling

Isolation and disconnection are at the core of a survivor’s experience of sexual violence. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences can help you build relationships and trust, which is an important piece of the healing process, regardless of when the abuse occurred.

Groups include:

Virtual Survivor Peer Support Group
This group helps survivors of sexual violence virtually through the pandemic.

Women’s Group
A weekly group therapy session for female identified survivors of sexual violence.

Men’s Group
A weekly support group for male identified survivors of sexual abuse or assault, supported by a licensed social worker.

Loved Ones Group
This group is for family and loved ones of survivors of sexual violence.

LGBTQIA+ Group
A support group for identifying survivors of sexual violence.

Additional groups can be developed based on need. If you have suggestions or ideas for a group, please contact us at healingspace@ywcannj.org.

healingSPACE provides legal advocacy services and access to legal services to survivors of sexual violence in partnership with Northern NJ Legal Services.

New! Young Adult Female Group Therapy

This open-ended weekly group therapy is for female survivors of sexual violence between the ages of 17-25. For more info.

Loved Ones Support Group

This virtual support group will educate and emotionally support loved ones of survivors of sexual violence. For more info.

Support Group for LGBTQIA+ Identifying Survivors of Sexual Assault

This is a closed virtual support group for LGBTQIA+ identifying survivors of sexual assault.
For more info.

New! Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Skills Group

The group will focus on building dialectical behavior therapy skills such as distress tolerance and emotional regulation. For more info.

Survivors Virtual Coffee House  – Every 4th Thursday of the Month

Survivors are invited to share their healing journey with other members through artwork, music, poetry, writing and conversations. For more info.

April 2022 SAAM – Sexual Assault Awareness Month Events

The month of April is dedicated to bringing sexual violence awareness and prevention education to our communities. For more info about all the events offered to survivors and to the community, click here.

It’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, especially if they are a friend or family member. For a survivor, disclosing to someone they care about can be very difficult, so we encourage you to be as supportive and non-judgmental as possible.

Sometimes support means providing resources, such as how to reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline, seek medical attention, or report the crime to the police. But often listening is the best way to support a survivor.

Here are some specific ways to be supportive through a survivor’s healing process.

“I believe you. / It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.”
It can be extremely difficult for survivors to come forward and share their story. They may feel ashamed, concerned that they won’t be believed, or worried they’ll be blamed. Leave any “why” questions or investigations to the experts. Your job is to support this person. Be careful not to interpret calmness as a sign that the event did not occur. Everyone responds to traumatic events differently. The best thing you can do is to believe them.

“It’s not your fault. / You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”
Survivors may blame themselves, especially if they know the perpetrator personally. Remind the survivor, maybe even more than once, that they are not to blame.

Continued Support

There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.

“You are not alone. / I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can.”
Let the survivor know that you are there for them and willing to listen to their story if they are comfortable sharing it. Assess if there are people in their life they feel comfortable going to, and remind them that there are service providers who will be able to support them as they heal from the experience.

“I’m sorry this happened. / This shouldn’t have happened to you.”
Acknowledge that the experience has affected their life. Phrases like “This must be really tough for you” and “I’m so glad you are sharing this with me” help to communicate empathy.

Continued Support

There’s no timetable when it comes to recovering from sexual violence. If someone trusted you enough to disclose the event to you, consider the following ways to show your continued support.

• Avoid judgment. It can be difficult to watch a survivor struggle with the effects of sexual assault for an extended period of time. Avoid phrases that suggest they’re taking too long to recover such as, “You’ve been acting like this for a while now” or “How much longer will you feel this way?”
• Check in periodically. The event may have happened a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean the pain is gone. Check in with the survivor to remind them you still care about their well-being and believe their story.
• Know your resources. You’re a strong supporter, but that doesn’t mean you’re equipped to manage someone else’s health. Become familiar with resources you can recommend to a survivor
  • Local sexual assault service providers
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or call 800-273-TALK (8255) any time, day or night, or call 911 immediately.

Loved Ones Support Group

This virtual support group will educate and emotionally support loved ones of survivors of sexual violence. For more info.

Education is central to stopping sexual violence before it starts. healingSPACE hosts events in the community throughout the year and offers primary prevention education and training programs for schools, organizations, and businesses.

Learn More

April 2022 SAAM – Sexual Assault Awareness Month Events

The month of April is dedicated to bringing sexual violence awareness and prevention education to our communities. For more info about all the events offered to survivors and to the community, click here.

Interested in Supporting Survivors – Donation Drive Click Here.